On Being Special

Why are people so desperate to be special?

Everywhere I look, I see people pushing and shoving to make it to the top of the social ladder. I don't understand why we all have this deep-seated psychological urge to be important. I know that I constantly think about how wonderful it would be if wherever I went, people would recognize me as someone who did something wonderful or meaningful or important. This fame is something that I have yearned for ever since I was very young; I have wanted to be important for as long as I can remember. But what is important? And who decides what makes someone important? Is important not just a societal construct that we use to create a stable hierarchy? And yet it is so prevalent in our culture, as seen in the reality-TV stars (yes, I am looking at you Kardashians) that are idolized for doing absolutely nothing but being on the television and the competitions like American Idol and America's Got Talent which exist for the sole purpose of making people famous in their chosen industries. We celebrate stars who get out partying in clubs and drinking their lives away but fail to recognize the importance of the love and respect of those around us. Why?

Is it because from a young age our parents tell us that we are special; that we are all important and will go on to do great things? Not everyone can be President of the United States, kids. Sorry to tell you, but your parents lied. Tough luck. Is it because of way our society idealizes the lives of the famous, or that the word famous is almost always associated with wealth? Or is it all because of an inherent urge to have power; to have some control over a world in which we are all pretty unimportant when compared with the strength and dominance of Mother Nature?

I'm inclined to believe that it's some combination of those things.

But that doesn't really explain why we all want to be special. Traditionally, status was reserved for the very wealthy elite, who lorded over and looked down upon everyone else. Maybe we are all infected with a little bit of the quintessential spirit of the American Dream: that one can improve one's lot in life, and the only way to gain status and power is to become special and valuable.

From a personal standpoint, I know that the quest to be important is a driving force in my life. I can't see a performance or competition of anything, be it the Cirque du Soleil, cheerleading, river rafting, or, of course, theatre without dreaming about being a prodigy. I SO want to walk into a room someday and everyone to become quiet and whisper to each other "Wow, I never thought I'd meet her, she's fantastic." I walk around my school and wonder what it would be like to be famous and for everyone there to stop as I passed in the hallways because my life is so much more than theirs'. I guess I just want people to care about my life, because to me my life is very important. I read articles and watch videos on YouTube of the greats: Bernadette Peters, Patti LuPone, Stephen Sondheim, Mandy Patinkin, James Lapine (I could go on), and I think to myself that there are millions of people that they have touched with their art. They are truly gifted people that have earned their places in the Hallowed Halls of the Great White Way and people recognize their talent, that thing that makes them special and sets them above the rest of us. I guess I just want to have something that makes me special and gives my life some value and meaning.

We all want to mean something.

Why do I spend so much time dreaming about gaining a title that is so abstract and impossible to define? And yet, is that necessarily a bad thing? If it pushes me to work harder and to do greater things, than is the ambition to be important a real waste of time?

That is probably one of the questions that will never be answered, but I feel a little more defined now that I asked it. It's amazing what happens when you organize those random thoughts that float around your brain.

Thanks for sticking with me, if anyone actually read this. If you did, please comment. It will make me feel special, and I think we all know how wonderful that would be.